A Very Honest Highs And Lows

May 26, 2017

{An iPhone snap from our engagement session by When He Found Her.}

I’ve been sitting here staring at my computer screen to write this post for what feels like days. It’s hard to get the words out and it’s even harder to admit to myself and to you, but sometimes my life isn’t juust right” as I try so desperately for it to seem online. I’ve talked about feelings of depression and anxiety here for before, I’ve talked about my (what I thought) was my pretty perfect relationship, I’ve talked about practicing self-love and mindfulness all while sharing it in a pretty little photographed package. The truth is, my life, just as no one’s life, is perfect, and it’s especially not as perfect as what it may seem to online or even as to how I present myself in person. This week I dealt with the hardest situation that I have yet to face in my relationship. It was a struggle that was both internal and external and will continue to be. While Jamie and I shared a magical night shooting our engagement photos this week, I don’t feel like it’s right to sit here and pretend that the days leading up to our shoot were anything but heartbreaking. I’m not going to go into details because as a couple, Jamie and I love each other very much and are working through our issues, but we have both realized that neither of us was being fair to each other within the last weeks, months, years, I don’t really know. What I do know is that communication, patience, understanding, willingness to forgive and grow and love are a top priority for us now and going into the future. A relationship and of course, a marriage, is all about for better or for worse and right now we are going through a for worse that I am praying will work out for the better. Today, as I write this post, I hope that I am not turning any of you away, I just really needed to share some honesty and accountability with you. While my life may seem a certain way, it doesn’t mean that it is, and I want this blog to grow and be a safe space for me to share not just my outfits, recipes, etc, but also a place that I can come and write my feelings without fear of judgment. This week was hard, yes, but I have so much faith in the bond I have with my future husband that I know things are going to get better from here on out.

My mom is actually coming for a visit tomorrow which is perfect timing, you know when you just need to hug your mama? We’re planning a trip to New York from Monday-Friday and then my sister will be graduating university which is a pretty crazy feeling. Aside from the bad, there are a lot of good things happening around here that are much-needed. I’m not going to be sharing a Take Note post this afternoon as this week work has taken a back seat so I hope you understand.

Thank you for always supporting me and my blog through the good times and the bad, I could not keep going without you. I’ll see you Monday. xx

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  • Holly Wade

    I’m so sorry to hear you’re having a tough time! Thanks for being honest, and I really hope that things improve for you. Blogs aren’t just about the pretty stuff but about the real people behind them, so I think this kind of transparency is important. Sending lots of love and positive vibes your way!

  • So much love to you during a difficult time. I know how hard it is to be vulnerable (especially in such a public setting), and applaud you for your honesty (something that is severely lacking in this space). Love you guys so and know in my heart of hearts that you’ll come out stronger in the end <3

  • I’m so sorry to hear that you’re going through a rough patch, but I really respect your honesty. Nobody’s life is perfect and we all deal with a lot of difficult (and exciting) moments in life outside of what we share on our blogs and social media. It sounds like you have some exciting times coming up, so I hope that helps you get through everything for now. Sending you a big hug! <3
    Jackie from Something About That

  • Heidi Lau

    Kaylee I’m sorry to hear you’re going through tough times right now and like you said life isn’t as pretty and perfect as it might seem online, the tough times make us all human. Sending you strength and support!!

  • Sarah Anne Katherine

    Kaylee, thank you for sharing such a personal post here on your blog. Relationships are work and they do have highs and lows and honestly sometimes it’s the lows that really make the highs more worth it in the end.Don’t worry about the wedding the details the planning the shoot or what anyone on media thinks about your time line , take whatever time you need. I always look at things this way… do you want a partner that just exists and is easy or do you want to challenge each other and grow, for me I like the challenge because I want to grow even when it’s painful. It’s hard when we put everything under the microscope sometimes looking at the bigger picture really puts things into perspective. I really like Ganesha mantra for relaxing and cantering. This entire community respects you cares about you and wants the best for you!

  • Teri Giese

    As a mother to 4 grown daughters,all lovely,intelligent,and full of beauty inside and out;just as you are!Ups and downs are so normal.I have always said to my girls,”without the downers in life,we would fail to recognize the ups in life!”As well as to treasure those ups and appreciate them.Also,enjoyed that you said the “needing a hug from Momma”.3 of my daughters live 2,000 miles away from me;and my 19 year old isn’t a hugger.I am a HUGE hugger and feel starved for affection,lol!Anyway,all will work out,always does.Appreciate the honest and human post today.Refreshing in a world(blog world);where appearances can seem perfect and make our normalcy seem like a negative thing.Peace and happiness always🤗💗

  • Keep On Keeping On! Every couple has their ups and downs, and many struggles that require hard HARD work. Over the past 10 years Klay & I have had many; and we could have called it quits so often because it’s just ‘easier’. But like you said, for better or for worse; and the hard times always make you stronger – as an individual person and as a couple! Sending lots of love to you and Jamie! xo

  • I’ve been super behind in keeping up with blogs, but I still have got to send y’all good wishes in working through this-and props for actually addressing it, not allowing it to be pushed to the side until it blows up after the wedding. And major props to you for your honesty! Sending lots of love.
    Emma
    xoxoxo

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