Finding Self Love
One topic I’ve always wanted to talk about here on the blog, but have shied away from, is body image. I hate that it can be a “touchy” subject, but you know what, it’s too important not to address. There are too many women struggling with their own body images daily. I would say I’m one of those women. Yes, I’m self conscious. Yes, I have negative thoughts about my body. Now, don’t get me wrong, I do love my body, but sometimes I feel like it doesn’t love me. Does that make sense? I eat healthy, I work out often, I drink lots of water, I get lots of sleep, yet I still will never meet the unrealistic expectations in my head. Where did those expectations come from? Who am I trying to impress? Who even cares?
The pressures of growing up can cause us to be self conscious. The pressures of being successful, finding a mate, meeting other people’s expectations and constant change, to name a few. When you’re a kid, you don’t really have those pressures. Sometimes I think back to when I was young and was so unaware of body image and the expectations that we, as women, put on ourselves. Where did those days go? I don’t even remember the exact moment when I started to become self conscious, but I think it was around college. Up until that point, it was something that never even crossed my mind. I’d like to think it’s possible to get back to that mindset.
We need to stop treating ourselves poorly for not having “perfect” bodies. There’s no such thing as perfection or being perfect. Having this false mentality that we’re essentially creating in our own minds is self destructive and will never lead to happiness. The reason why we have to start within, is because it’s not what we look like to somebody else, it’s how we see ourselves. In order to be happy, we need to love ourself.
I believe that the most important thing is to be healthy. And be thankful for being healthy. I love my body because it gets me through every damn day, and even though sometimes it feels like it’s grudging along, it’s doing a pretty good job. When I put it into perspective with all of the terrible illnesses and conditions that so many people have to deal with on a daily basis, it makes me feel guilty for thinking any negative thoughts about the appearance of my relatively healthy body. It’s not just about physical health, it’s also about mental health. At the end of the day, if we’re seeking physical health for the wrong reasons, we’re never going to be able to find the answers were seeking.
Our bodies are each built differently and we cannot compare ourselves to others because we are all uniquely different and can never be anything else besides the best of ourselves. With social media and the constant comparison game, it can be a hard battle to win. I can definitely fall short on this one. One moment, I’m feeling really great about myself, and the next, I’m staring at perfectly toned, long legs on Instagram, and regretting the ice cream I had the night before. What I should be doing, is giving myself a pat on the back for kicking ass at the gym all week and giving myself a break for wanting to indulge on the weekend. If you’re going to look up to something in someone else, look up to their strengths. What’s sexy is strength and confidence exhibited by women of all sizes.
The main reason why I wanted to share this post with you all is because I think the more we become aware of the negative ways we’re treating our own bodies (mentally and physically), the better we can focus on correcting the behavior by being nicer to ourselves. The more we look in the mirror each morning and accept and love ourselves as we are, the happier our lives will become. I hope that by opening up and sharing my own personal struggles with body image, some of you will find comfort in knowing that it’s okay. You’re not the only one. We should all take little steps daily to begin moving down the right path of loving ourselves as we are. Anytime I find myself thinking something negative about my appearance, I’ve found it helpful to replace it with one thing I love about myself.
Now, my question to you is, what are some ways that you show self love? How do you build up your confidence and love your body as it is? Let’s take the conversation away from what we don’t like and focus on what we do.
Long time follower, first time poster. I love this. Especially your comment on being grateful for your health. I spend far more time being mad at a few extra pounds than I do being grateful that I’m perfectly healthy. Thanks so much for sharing and helping me reframe my own negative internal monologue.
Thank you for writing this post! I felt really great about my body before getting pregnant… I felt like I understood how to make it work and feel best. Then, my body changing forced me to have to relearn everything. In the end, I realized I had to accept that my body will forever continue to change. It forced me to start listening even closer to what my body needed and take time to relax and take moments to just breath while focusing on my body. This helped me fall back in love with this different, but great new form. I’m 39 weeks now and I finally feel prepared for my body to change again. You are such a lovely person with such grace, and I hope it is always easy for you to see the great things about yourself when you find yourself being negative.
Thank you for this post! You have a beautiful body, and I love the way you are always inspiring others to exercise, eat well, live an active life, and dress beautifully. I try to do the same in my own life and do most things in moderation. We should all strive to do things out of love for our awesome, rocking bodies!
Hell yeah, Julia. Congratulations on using your platform to discuss issues that your readers are most certainly dealing with. I am supremely impressed. Hope you are both well. Xx
Same here. Got a problem with weight loss after giving birth to my son. I focused on what I want and what I need. Self love is a must in order to give love to others.
Marylane
http://styletomystreet.com
Absolutely love this post! Thanks for sharing x
http://thelondonthing.co.uk/
This is a wonderful message to all. So many of your followers envy you for your beauty (you are gorgeous in every way!), so it’s nice to share some honest thoughts about yourself, since so many girls feel the same way. Women in general can be so judgmental towards each other. We need to ban together to change how society views us and this post is a positive way forward. Thank you, Julia! xo
I loved this post Julia! I’ve been following your blog for a long time and absolutely love it and your style but reading this definitely brought out another dimension. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on what is such an important conversation to have. :)
Good for you. I have been following your blog for years, before I had kids…and now 2 kids later. I always look to you for fun, great style. Your new blog posts’ have just made me like you even more. Your sense of style and your geat attitude on body image makes you a wonderful role model for women young and old. Whenever I feel dwon about how my image has changed since growing up and becoming a mother, I look at my two hilarious,beautiful little boys and think to myself it is so so so worth it. Love the body you have and love the fun amazing cloths you get to out on it. xo
Very nice post Julia. I remember being in middle school and not liking my shoulders because they were manly (I was a gymnast). I used to think that as I got older it would be easier, I would love my true self more, but in fact it’s gotten harder. You are right that because of social media, it’s even more “in our faces”. Especially after having kids, it makes it much harder to look and feel your best. I had twins and was truly stretched to the limit (no joke!). In my mind I still see myself as this pixie girl I was in my 20s, but then I see the pictures and it hits me again that I will never have the body I once had. It’s a never ending battle and I dare say most days I’m not winning it. My true identity is in Christ and I do my best to remember it! You are beautiful, I hope you win the battle. I hope T reminds you daily! :)
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Hello Julia!
I just wanted to say, that the amount work that is being done on this blog is incredible. I mean, I follow probably every blogger in this world, but nobody has such a well organized, clean, easy and super beautiful website. As I work as a online marketing manager I have an eye for good website work.
Futhermore, the looks, the stories and the cuteness of your face is so compelling, that reading becomes a happy moment in one´s everyday life. Pictures are great too!
Keep up the good work and take care!
Maria
Absolutely love this post! There are so many blog and instagram posts, not to mention magazines out there that portray this idea of a perfect body but it is so important to love the body you have. Much easier said than done, I know it’s taken me a few years, but now I wish I’d got over my body issues sooner! or just not worried about what other people thought, to be honest I think thats the key. I’m happy with how my body is now but its definitely still a work in progress!
http://emmasjoys.blogspot.co.uk
Brava Julia! Thank you for taking a stance and putting your voice out there so that people like me, and all the other women who commented on this post, can take a step back, and refocus on loving ourselves the way we should be. I admire your gumption. Xo
Late to find this post and you probably won’t see this but I want to comment anyways! I really appreciate this post. My self esteem has had a rough go of it this year with my thyroid causing a sluggish metabolism that’s caused a lot of weight gain and acne. I’ve basically spent the summer in sweatpants and t shirts and just hid from the world and constantly worried that people are judging me. I’m now working with someone and eating as healthy as I can and taking care of my skin. Self love isn’t easy, it’s probably the hardest kind of love. I feel like right now i’m a work in progress, and I don’t have to love myself every day or even every month or six months! But something we can all try to do is be present every day. Don’t skip out on wearing something or doing something because you feel down about yourself. Love your life, accept compliments from others, be nice to other people and be in the moment! I’m sure it’s hard having a huge following because everyone has an opinion about your every move, but ignore the haters and do you. You are adorable! Thanks!
This post was brilliant and I can’t thank you enough for writing it!
http://www.mimiquices.com/
I’ve read your blog for years and only commented a few times, but I just had to say that I love and respect you more than ever after this post! My best friend and I remind each other all the time to be thankful for our good health and bodies that allow us to exercise, explore, sleep, and do so much more. As a blogger I struggle each and every day with comparing myself to others, and as someone who has had body image issues since I was 15 or 16, that makes it really hard at times. I will never have stick skinny legs or not have a bubble butt, but I need to be accepting of that, even if I don’t look like so many of the girls on my Instagram feed. But like you mentioned, I think each time you have a negative thought about yourself or your body, that it’s very healthy to remind yourself of something you love about yourself and your body. I’ve also decided that any time I’m having a pity party about my body that I’m going to do something healthy…whether it’s a walk around the blog with my dogs, or a spin or yoga class.
You and your blog are always so inspiring. Sometimes I think your life looks extremely perfect because you have incredible clothes and get to go on the most amazing trips quite frequently. But I think I can speak for others in saying that this series and this post have made you feel so relatable and like we could talk about it in person. I appreciate you putting yourself out there and using your influence in such a positive way! xo
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Thanks for this post. It’s really interesting to see that you have hang-ups because to me you are super stunning. It makes me realise that maybe my hang-ups are nothing to worry about either :) And I actually think you come across amazing on camera. I’d love to see you do more videos!