Alright, Leandra. Today is the day. You’re going to clean out your closet.
If I sell half the contents of my current closet, will that cover the cost of buying all the other stuff I want? How much longer, realistically speaking, will I have to stare at these sweaters and, heaven forbid, wear them before it’s actually warm? Maybe if I will an end to winter, it’ll go away. That’s a reasonable idea.
Okay, there are one, two, three, four…twelve sweaters in this pile. I should discard half. I’ll start with the ones I have not worn since at least last winter. This beige one with the green stripes — it’s in pretty good shape — I’ve only worn, like, twice.
Alright, Marie Kondo! We are doing great!
…Actually, you know what, I’m going to want to wear it one day next week, I can feel it in my guts.
This chunky-ass one doesn’t fit inside coat sleeves but is too warm to wear when it’s not below freezing. Sell?
But it’s Christopher Kane! I got it on The Outnet for $175!
How many white shirts does one person need? There are 8 in here. I should get rid of at least four. This one is stained, this one I could donate, I have three mandarin collars so this one, which I’d never choose to wear over the other two, should go. How much could I get for a three-year-old white Céline button down that I found on The Real Real?
Sell! I think three of these striped ones could go, too. Or, actually, I’ve wanted a linen one for the beach. This can graduate from regular-wear to beachwear and save me the cost of something new. Keep.
Jeans? So many jeans. Hoping to be pregnant the next time I have to do this, so maybe just donate all aspirational jeans that don’t fit me now and will definitely not fit me then? What about these white ones? Are they period-stained? Maybe I’ll cut the ankles and sew them onto a cropped pair of blue ones that I wish were longer — the color contrast might look cool…
And these ones with the fringe! You know, I love them, but every single person I know has them, which makes me feel less like wearing them because they don’t feel like they’re mine. Sell! And what about these skirts? Should I donate these ones from Topshop, which I got during the sale for under $10 each but obviously never wore. Wtf, they still have tags? Donate.
Ugh, this Stella McCartney fruit print skirt will never, ever get old. And what about the dresses? Okay. Dresses. All shirt dresses stay. This mini dress goes. I’ve never worn it. Ditto that for this one. Hey! I forgot I had this slip dress. Now I don’t need to get one. Cool! Speaking of cool, all culottes must go. I’m so sorry, Rosie. Sell, sell, sell, sell, sell! Okay, those (bright green silk faille) I’ll keep. You never know. And what about all these TOPS? They’re so…complicated. I know I love the idea of this one with the pearls, but every time I put it on and try to make it work, I always take it off.
All these shoes could go. These ones with the ankle strap that always unbuckles for sure. These with the laces that hate remaining tied. This pair that doesn’t fit over my calves? I’ll get good money for these and…oh…these are beautiful. I’ll never wear them again but what memories! Do I keep?
Do I sell?
If there was a flood in here and all your stuff got ruined, would you really care to see these to the garbage? Probably not. Sell.
Am I a sociopath? The memories live in my head, not the garment. (Right?)
We’re now at: four garbage bags to sell, two to give away. Speaking of bags, I think my mom would like this tote. I can sell this clutch. This shoulder bag reminds me of my friend, I should give it to her, and this one is still in the box! Holiday re-gift? Just kidding.
Shit, that is a big pile of t-shirts. I think I only need one black one, two white ones and some of those striped ones. Donate.
Where are we at? Four full garbage bags? …Wait, is that it? Am I done? !!! I’m done!
And now, for the pantry.